Relationship Goals & What I've Learned Thus Far
Traditionally, I’ve been pretty quiet about my relationships on social media. If I’m being honest, probably for a couple of reasons:
😱 (1) what if it doesn’t work out?!?!
😬 (2) not feeling secure in the relationship
😒 (3) potential judgement from others
Vulnerability is part of growth though! So here I am 🤗
Another reason I wanted to share is because the tools I’ve learned over the years are helping me MASSIVELY evolve as a person & in a relationship, so I want to share with you!
🙏 I’m not saying everything has been perfect in this relationship, but I know now how to become the observer of the situation rather than the actor in it, which allows me to see the deeper themes at play (at least on my end), and then bring a thoughtful, loving conversation to the table rather than getting angry or becoming resentful.
🤝 Andy (who doesn’t use his fb or ig lol) and I have been dating for over 9 months and this relationship has been so incredible because of how BOTH of us are showing up, challenging each other, and listening to each other.
🏐 We met playing beach volleyball and I wasn’t interested in dating or trying to date at the time LOL - funny how that happens. Honestly though, I was so good with ME that I wasn’t seeking anyone else to complete me. And I believe this is a crucial foundation for healthy relationships.
😳 In this relationship, I’ve noticed so many things I *wasn’t* doing in past relationships, not speaking up about it, then becoming resentful at the other person.
For example… I would willingly (& without being asked) bend to please my partner but then end up frustrated when I didn’t get to do things I wanted - could be as simple as picking a movie, cleaning around the house, or what we talked about. This led to me shrinking myself and it felt horrible!
🤓 Another thing different about this relationship: When we had “the talk” about being official, I had a stipulation: If we became official, we had to do monthly check-ins. A set date each month where we took time to reflect and share about the past few weeks, as well as looking forward to the next few weeks. (He agreed LOL)
✅ Our monthly check-ins have been SO crucial! It gave us a space to talk that was safe and having it scheduled in advance, we knew we’d have the opportunity to bring things to the table. I compiled it based off of research from The Gottman Institute, Esther Perel and a few other sources. We don’t always follow it exactly, it’s just a great framework. Click here for the list.
🥰 I’m also SO GRATEFUL for his willingness to listen, learn, work on things, be vulnerable, and grow together. It takes 2 people committed to those things in order to make a relationship thrive. It can’t be one-sided.
That’s just a little update on me & my love life. There are so many more lessons I’ve learned and I’ll do my best to share those in the future!
🌟 If you want to know more about how to feel whole on your own, build healthy relationships, have difficult conversations, and more, you might be interested in my webinar replay “Breaking the Cycle”! Click here for more info :)
👇 Comment below a healthy habit or practice you do in relationship(s) so we can all grow together!
